March 5, 2002

  • I had a near death experience and I knew at one point that all I had to do was just close my eyes and I would be gone. The thought of that was so sweet and then that one thought went through my mind. Just one simple little thought. It was then that I decieded to fight. I wanted to live I wanted to have that one thing that went through my mind.
    I am alive. I am here. I have been close. That one thing........it isn't really a reality. It will never happen. Just that one thing.......now my recovery is taking longer and longer. I feel weaker as the days go by.

    I just want to smile again and feel this pressing weight off of me. I want to be able to play with my boys and know that I will be ok. I want to live till the next time and then just slip away.