August 10, 2010

  • Life....

    Some days I find it so hard to be here, I wish there was a way that I could walk away and not have to worry about the boys and having to see their dad. I wish that I had the car so I could just drive off into the distant and settle somewhere I could realize home. I struggle to stay within reach of the kids but I am floating and not feeling grounded. So I sat outside in the miserable heat (and it really isn't that hot) and gazed at the strip of water. I was able to breathe a little bit easier and calm down but such a little strip of water doesn't do much to get me centered. I wanted to drive to the water, dig my feet in the sand, and take in the water and let myself ground. I feel like I am not going to come down to earth. I feel like I am so far away from all things....detached. I don't like being detached from the kids and i am becoming so....but just for this minute.

    One of these days.....something has to change. Something has to give.