August 18, 2010

  • Poetry and Walker...

    There is a poem by AA Milne that I have read to each of the boys at bedtime...

    Little boy kneels at the foot of his bed.
    Droopes on the little hands little golden head.
    Hush! Hush! Whispern who dares
    Christoperh Robin is saying his prayers.

    the poem goes on....

    Every now and again I see my sweet lil W kneeling next to his bed. And most of the time he looks like he is just playing in his room...till the other day.

    I peeked in his room and heard that he was talking but not hear the exact words. I knocked at his door, he continued. I knocked again. He held up a finger and kept whispering...

    He finally looked at me and I asked, "Why didn't you answer?"

    "I was praying" he replied.

    "Oh?!?!" I put out there hoping for a bit more but not wanting to pry.

    "Mom... ummmm....how long does it take to get a prayer answered?" he asked is his sweet little voice.

    "Well, son, sometimes prayers are answered as what we ask for. Sometimes prayer answers are a NO and sometimes it takes a really long time."

    "OH" he said sounding really dejected.

    "Why my wee little man?" I asked wanting to solve his deep sadness and worry.

    "Well I have been praying for that wallet you have told me about. And I have been praying for a house far away from Dad." he answered.

    This was so hard what was I to say...."Oh, little lamb of my heart, the wallet is nothing that is real it is something that we have talked about when you boys were wishing for something that isn't a reality...like living on the moon or having a tardis to live in. I mentioned that a wallet would be better than both because it would provide not only a place to live but money to live off of. But it really doesn't exist. And as for living far away from your dad...that will take me being able to get a job and then move. Till then we are here."

    His face fell and then he jumped out of my arms and kneeled again. A few minutes went by. I quietly walked out to give him is room.

    He came running and jumped on my lamp. "Mom, I appologized to God for confusing him now I am clear. I am now going to pray that you get a house far away and a job that will pay the bills. But most of all i prayed that Dad will get amnesia and forget about us so we dont' have to see him again.

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    this is from W. He is his dad's favorite. Tells me a lot of how bad he is. They never have anything good to say about him. They fear him. When he is home they stay in the farthest room from him or just go outside.

    I wish this was different. I wish I knew what turned him into such a prick. He used to be fun and easy to get along with. He used to be so good with kids. He is an ass to all kids. In the store he bullies the boys. At home he bullies them. He must feel so little to try and bring them down to his level.

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    He won't let me get the passports for them....I think he knows when we get them it will be a while before we come back...once we go we may just keep going and visiting and seeing and exploring and and and....come back much much later....but I don't see that really happening. I do see a visit and then getting a job and living some where far from here.