November 20, 2010

  • What I don't do anymore.....

    1. sing in the shower any more
    2. laugh a good honest laugh. The kind you find hard to stop.
    3. express my feelings
    4. say what is bothering me
    5. tell more than the superficial bs.
    6. talk about the future
    7. smile for no reason
    8. wake up in a good mood
    9. go to sleep easily
    10. dream of good things. When I dream if it starts out good it always goes bad.
    11. hope for the future for myself
    12. sleep easily. I am so restless

    What I do now.....

    1. make myself breathe
    2. think of my friends that I really care about
    3. think of 5 good things in my life when I find myself down or sad
    4. chuckle under my breath
    5. silently scream
    6. tell anyone who will listen to be careful with what you do with your life
    7. think all the deep things I wish I could get out.
    8. wish I could hope for more for myself
    9. tear up and cry without warning. Small things trigger the sadness in me.
    10. wake up in a sweat from my dreams
    11. hope for my kids that they will learn how to do much better than me.

    What I need to do......

    1. RUN
    2. Walk
    3. fly away
    4. smile
    5. laugh
    6. talk
    7. scream
    8. cry till I can't cry anymore
    9. find a home
    10. a place I really belong

    Yes I am moody right now. But I am just exhausted. This will pass and I will one day make a good decision and be able to do all the good things I need to do and want to do. Smiling will become just as breathing. Breathing won't have to be though about. And I may find some peace in my life.