for the last few weeks I have been struggling with living in this house. I guess it would be better if I had a car or a way to get out of the house without having to ask to borrow a car. Sadly this has been such a struggle.

Day is an easy time for me, I have the kids who always make me smile. They bring so much light into my life and so much joy. But then they all go to bed and I am left with my thoughts....it is a struggle because it takes me so long to get to sleep. I am learning to try and meditate so I don't think of the crap. Sadly I have found that I am isolating myself from those that I really like and care about outside of my family. I know I have a habbit of doing this because I don't want to have my sadness pass on to those around me. The other thing that is sad, I have been able to look at my close friend and how we interact with eachother and realize where I stand with them.

I am slowly saving money and when I get what I need and find a good job I will move. I will be far away from here. I just hope that E's threats to the kids he doesn't follow through with. He is threatening that they will have to visit him every weekend if I leave and neither of them want that. B actually said he would run away if he is forced to. And W said he will just sit and do nothing the whole time. We shall see....it will be a bit of a while before that will happen.

The good is....the kids are so funny, talented, and just laods of fun to be mom to. I hope that we will continue to have such a good relationship.