Life is getting hard to live here and yet I have figured out I am a much happier person when I get out and walk. So far I have been averaging 3 miles a night. Last night I walked 4.3 miles. That was so nice but tiring as the surf was pulling really hard as it came in and went out. I think it would be like walking up and down hills.

Still no job. I don't think I will be able to get a job around here, too many people needing work around here.

Still no house...same as above.

Still no car....no way of paying for it.

Been walking loads. In the 12 days I have been out walking I have walked over 31 miles. My legs hurt from last nights walk. The water was pulling harder than I have ever felt it pull. It was fun but tiring. I walked 4.3 miles completely in the surf. Knee deep surf.

My boys love to plot and plan what they are going to be for Halloween. For months and months they talk about what and how it will be so cool and amazing and and and and. As the time draws near they always change what they want to go as. For example Walker has wanted to go as Dr Who (Matt Smith) for about a year. I have been looking for the items and found them. Only to find out that the kids didn't want to go what we had planned. I canceled (just in time and at Eric's prompting) the ones I had ordered and found where they had what they wanted NOW.

Only now that I am getting ready to go pick up the order they both want to be what they were looking for to begin with. And it is too late to be Dr. Who. I can't find anyone that has the costume now. Now they are unhappy because their costumes wont be as good as if I had just not canceled the order.

Normaly I make their costumes and they don't have much choice, they turn out great and the kids love them because they follow a theme.

Eric has been telling me I baby the boys. So this year I am not to make their costumes.

Last year- 2 shirts, pants, and extras cost me a total of 29 for both boys.

This year- costume they want 30x2

And they aren't really happy because I didn't order the above things to make their costumes....

Hindsight is better than foresight. But I knew in my gut that I should just order what I needed way back when.

Maybe next year I will tell him to Fuck off.

Life is much better when I take the car after midnight and go to the beach. I don't know if there is anything quite like going and walking for 2.5 miles with nothing but the waves, sand and the beauty that is all around me. That is my me time. That is when I am able to just be quiet. A few of those days I have walked with my older boys. That is nice too.

Iam fidning that I can really get behind the walking bit. I wanted to go tonight but E stayed up and drank too much. I just couldn't in good concience leave my wee little lads with him in that state.