January 27, 2012

  • My oddness

    I am reminded daily how odd I can be. One of my joys in life is messing with people that are drunk. Not bad in a fun way.

    I remember back to when my Uncle Robbin was alive and nearing his end of life. At this point I had intercepted quite a few phonecalls from him to my father when he was drunk and messed with him, teased him/lightheartedly made fun of. He was always laughing and eventually would call back when he wasn't messed up.

    One of the last times he called I said I would go and get my father to which he replied that he honestly wanted to talk to me. And then he poured out to me how he appreciated me not lecturing him when he called drunk and he always felt that I was just playing and being fun....talking him down all the while. He said there were a few times he wondered why I didn't lecture but was glad I didn't and because he wanted to be a better Uncle to me. Then he finaly asked me why. Why I was so kind and nice. Why I didn't push him or treat him like he was stupid like the rest of the family because of all he did.

    This is what I said, " You are human and so am I. Why would I treat you bad because you don't live your life the same way I do when you don[t believe the way I do. I believe we are all going to fail and can[t control what we do when t comes to addictions. It is what we chose once we realize we have addictions. I knew my uncle struggled with his addictions but he had no one near that helped. He only had those that lectured which made him feel like crap about himself and then when he felt like crap he wanted to use to not feel like a failue which brought the whole thing full circle." I understandingly told him, "I know how you feel because I feel that way every day in my family because I feel so imperfect.;"

    It was here that he said when he talked to me he always went a few weeks to months before he used again because I made him feel worthwhile insted.

    I had one more conversation with him and then he passed away. Ihope in heaven he is there and he is looking down because I actually might have made a bigger difference than I realize.